


What the Water Gave Me

by shisabella



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I honestly can't remember if that was the intent, implied sucide maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shisabella/pseuds/shisabella
Summary: "Your eyes and your smile, that’s what the water gave me. When I pulled you from the river I thought you would be a bother, a mishap in a day that had until that moment been calm, a bit boring at most. You jumped in my day like a hurricane, changing it permanently. (...)My stomach knotted in anxiety, my throat closed in a grip, sweaty hands and trembling legs. That’s what the water gave me."
Relationships: Kasumi | Misty/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Kudos: 3





	What the Water Gave Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm moving my old works from fanfiction.net and tumblr to this account. This story was originally written in Italian (my first language), translated and posted on tumblr in 2013.
> 
> Original translation notes:
> 
> So… I write a lot but I don’t usually write in English (this was actually written in Italian first and then translated, which is one of the reasons why some of the phrasing is awkward. The other reason being that my English isn’t that great). I figured I’d post this but be warned, it’s seriously angsty.  
> …I love you and I’m sorry if this makes you sad, please don’t murder me.
> 
> (The lyrics and title are from a song by Florence + the Machine.)

_time it took us_

_to where the water was_

_that’s what the water gave me_

Your eyes and your smile, that’s what the water gave me. When I pulled you from the river I thought you would be a bother, a mishap in a day that had until that moment been calm, a bit boring at most. You jumped in my day like a hurricane, changing it permanently.

My bike, abandoned in the middle of the road; the blackened, deformed frame and the stink of the burnt tires, and the urge to beat you up when I found you at the Pokémon Center. I promised I would follow you until you paid it back, I told you and myself I don’t know how many times, fuming with anger: you wouldn’t take a step without me on your heels, disappear from my sight until you gave me back every single cent. I kept saying it even when I didn’t care anymore, because you didn’t have to know. The beginning of all of our journeys, all the times we fought, all the times I so badly wanted to slap you across the face. All the times you were in a sulk at me, all the times I was in a sulk at you. All the times I wanted to be but couldn’t, because after a while you smiled at me and your smile was beautiful.

Your smile. The incredible way it lightens up your face. You smile with your eyes, your cheek, even your nose, rather than just with your lips. I’d be angry at myself because I was supposed to be mad at you, to not even stand you, but you’d smile at me like that and I just couldn’t stay angry. I would pretend to be and snort and treat you badly, call you a stupid, but in reality I was happy to be there with you.

Your heartbeat when I clung to you, scared of something, hiding against your back. I would listen to it racing under your skin, mixing with mine. Your hands, your shoulders, your eyes. The evening I realized I loved you, you were laughing while training with Pikachu and the sun was behind you and all I wanted to do was come there and hug you. I couldn’t stay mad, I just wanted to be close to you.

All the times I watched you from afar, because you didn’t have to notice anything. Sometimes Brock would ask me why I was smiling and I would say nothing, I’m not smiling, I was just thinking. All the times I was scared because you attracted trouble like a magnet, rushed headlong into it, and I tried to run after you and sometimes I lost sight of you and my heart started pounding, because I knew that it was a matter of a few minutes before a ten meters long fall or an explosion or who knows what else and I would see you lying on the ground, and that could be the time when you wouldn’t get up. I had to stay close to you and be ready to be the one to catch you, the one to pull you out, the one to save you.

My stomach knotted in anxiety, my throat closed in a grip, sweaty hands and trembling legs. That’s what the water gave me. Sooner or later I would see you drown or fall or blow up. I had to be there and stop you on time, catch you before it was too late. I would breathe again with my hand grasped on your wrist and wanted to hug you because you were there, safe and sound. One more second and you would have been on the ground, coughing blood. One more second and I would have pulled from the water a lifeless body. One more second, and I would have been crying against your shoulder while your body grew cold in my arms.

I’ll always save you, I’ll always reach you on time, I’ll always be there. I kept telling it to myself while I pulled you out of the nth trouble that was a silly thing to you and terrifying to me. I’ll catch you before you fall, pull you out if you’re about to drown. I’ll be stronger than the sea, the waves, the force of gravity. I’ll do anything to rescue you. I’ll risk my own life, if I need to, I promise even if you’ll never know. You’ve become too important to me to lose. If you die, there will be nothing left of me.

My heart pounding in my temples and a weight on my chest, my knees barely holding me up. This is the right time, I won’t make it this time, he won’t get up this time. Then you open your eyes and smile, rise yourself up and shake your head, slightly dazed. I’m fine, why do you look like that? I want to slap you and I clench my lips instead, trying not to cry in relief.

Your calm breath at night, when I can’t sleep and lie in the dark listening to it. The disaster you make out of your sheets, your bed turned into a battlefield, your pillow on the carpet. I imagine caressing your hair and curling near to you while you sleep. I never do it. I can hear you breathe. It’s alright, nothing can go wrong. It’s worth it. It doesn’t matter if tomorrow you’ll scare me to death once again, if once again I’ll find myself with my heart racing so fast that it feels like it could explode. It’s alright now, you’re here.

The runs. The scratches I got while chasing after you, the bruise on my shin. The fear of not getting there in time. My hands grasped on your shirts, the tears filling my eyes.

The seconds passing by. The dark sky and the rocks. I don’t stop to think that I could not make it. The waves three times taller than me and the sea, vast and freezing when it covers me.

_so lay me down_

_let the only sound_

_be the overflow_

And your body, still against mine, and the wet clothes weighing on me and dragging me down. Even I couldn’t make it this time. The waves, taller and taller, my legs with no strength left. The water filling my throat, my chest exploding. Breathe. Breathe. In my head I rescue you. Lying on the sand you smile and open your eyes: you didn’t really think I was dead, did you? Don’t you know I’m invulnerable? In my arms your body is cold.

The waves slapping me and pulling me under. The useless strain to keep my head above. Your lifeless hands, white under the surface. My hands, numb, the shore too far away. I can’t even see it. I try to breathe and water suffocates me. The cold driving hooks in my bones, my legs I can no longer move. My muscles locked in cramps and the tears I’m maybe crying against your shoulder. My eyes sting, I can’t see anything anymore. I hold you as close as I can to make sure you won’t slip away, even if there’s nothing left to hold. You stopped breathing for too long. Your body is a ballast pulling me to the bottom. I close my eyes tight and don’t let you go.

Your body. The bones under your skin, I can feel them as I hug you. Your arms abandoned in the water, the spine between the shoulder blades. Your eyes, closed. Your chest that I can’t feel moving. And my hands that can’t hold you any longer, the wrenching pain in my chest. My promises. I’ll always be there, I’ll always save you, you’ll never be alone. In my head we’re still on the beach. You smile, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders, and say I’m fine. Of course I’m fine, ahah, what were you thinking. I hug you because you’re alive and we’re both safe and then another wave drops on me and I really can’t take it any more.

You’ll never be alone, you’ll always have me. I’ll always save you.

I’ll be stronger than water, stronger than waves, I’ll reach you and bring you back. Always. Always. Always.

_pockets full of stones_

The surface closing above my head. The air slipping from my lungs, your weight dragging me under. My tears straggling and my temples throbbing. My heartbeat deafening me and your body cold and still.

My fingers loosening, letting you go.

That’s what the water gave me.

_but oh my love don’t forget me_

_when I let the water take me_


End file.
